Not Yet

Nope, I haven't figured it out yet. Just when I think I'm on the right road, I realize I don't know where I'm going.

Do you ever feel like your daily life is supposed to be leading somewhere? I guess I'm a goal-oriented person, because I find myself thinking, "I'm almost there," or, "I'm almost done," on and off, all through the day. But when I stop and think, I'm not sure where "there" is, or what "done" means. And then I realize that I'm doing it wrong. Life. I'm doing life wrong. 

I believe I should be moving forward, and growing, changing, improving. But I need to remind myself to pay attention to the moments as they happen. Because it all moves so fast. It might feel great to be able to cross something off of my to-do list, but the real joy can be found in the moment of doing, and too often, I miss that moment on the way to "being done."

Go ahead, roll your eyes at my new-agey, happy hippie chatter. I know what I sound like. When I was your age,  my eyes would have rolled right out of my head at this, too. But now I'm at the right age to appreciate the idea that it really is the journey, not the destination. So I'm trying to get better at life. I guess that's the point, isn't it? 

For you, my friend

Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,                                   
Someone to make you come through,
Who'll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive.
                   
That's you, my friend. You're always with me. You're in my head, even when I wish you weren't. You know me so well, and yet, you still like me. Love me. 

Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share 
A little, a lot.

I've got to believe that friendship like ours is rare. It's too precious to be common. I can't explain why we have always had this connection. It's visceral, palpable, essential. It lives and breathes. 

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.
from Company, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim
 
Over miles, over years, in our dreams and in our waking. You're there. You make me want to be alive. You keep me alive. Thank you for making me one lucky chick.

 

Marching On

Forgive the title pun--yes, it's already March, and I've been absent for awhile. 
Life has offered a variety of positive and negative experiences in the past 2 months, and I'm grateful for all of them. No matter how much I whine, I know I'm still one lucky chick. I still get to wake up every day. I still get to laugh and cry every day. I still get to feel overwhelmed and satisfied. I am still here. I am lucky.

Thanks for the thoughts, hugs, messages, smiles you've sent my way. I'm lucky to know you. I am marching forward, held up by supportive friends, loving family, and the knowledge that I am one lucky chick.  

It's Okay

I'm trying so hard to breathe. Since the end of November, I've noticed that I have to concentrate specifically on taking in a full breath. 
It's tricky, this whole "tension" thing. You go about your daily routine, seemingly unscathed by circumstances out of your control. But then you notice that you're not fully breathing, not fully focusing, not fully participating.
I've got to do a better job of staying alert for the creeping signs of tension. I've got to let go of what I'm holding inside. If I crumble for a little while, the world will go on spinning. My issues won't go away, but they also won't eat me alive as long as I breathe. In. Out. Repeat.