Partners in Crime

I'm grateful for my colleagues. We are all criminals. We've been told this by our bosses, so it must be true. We all received letters in our personnel files, labeling us as "civil disobedients." 
I'm proud to stand with these miscreants.  I'm proud to sing, march, chant with them. We are bound together in a fight that will change history. And it's made us stronger. So I'm also grateful for the right to protest. While the circumstances which created the need for our protest are sickening, the protests themselves are energizing, uplifting, and life-changing.

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My colleagues are strong, bright, creative people, and I'm proud and grateful to stand with them. 

My Little Town

Never, NEVER did I ever think I would live in a small town.  I grew up in a big city, lived in the suburbs, drove through serious rush hours, waited hours for a table at up-and-coming restaurants. I'm a CITY GIRL.
But not any more. I live in a small bedroom community, on the outskirts of a mid-size city, and I LOVE it. My girls were raised in a one-high-school town. Though this can be a real downside to small town life, I loved that we pretty much knew everyone in the school. It made it easier to know who my girls were hanging out with, easier to get to know the families, and it was wonderful to watch all of our young people grow up together.
The city we're near offers enough music, art, and theater to keep us satisfied, and when the girls were young we had lots of options for day trips and free entertainment. 
Nowadays, I have to admit, I use the bigger city for my shopping, entertainment, and social needs. The town I actually live in has begun to feel claustrophobic--I teach in this town, and have for over 20 years--so sometimes it's weird to be waited on or served by former students. I don't really enjoy having my students' parents perusing my shopping cart to see what I'm buying, and I definitely don't want to listen to local taxpayers complain about how teachers are paid too much while I'm getting my hair cut, or trying to relax at the local coffee shop. So I retreat to the city, where I can disappear. 
I'm grateful for my house, and my immediate surroundings. I still love working in a smaller school district--the people I work with are fantastic. I'm grateful for my big-city upbringing, and for my nightly retreat to small town America. But you can't entirely take the city girl out of me. 

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Movies

It seems trivial to be thankful for something as mundane as movies, but when I think about how influential movies have been in my life, I have to pause and be grateful.
I have some early memories of going downtown with my mother and brothers to see "blockbusters," like 633 Squadron and Von Ryan's Express. I find it odd to remember going to see these war movies with my MOTHER and not my dad--but I'm guessing it has something to do with the fact that my dad was always picking up odd carpentry jobs on weekends, so he wasn't very available.
Growing up, we had a couple movie theaters in our suburb, and we could ride our bikes to at least two of them. I remember feeling so safe, ensconced in the darkness of the theater, surrounded by the story of someone else's life.
We all know the movie-theater experience of today is drastically different. We're bombarded by commercials, surrounded by audience members who don't know HOW to watch a movie politely, and in silence. I still go to the movies, but, like the rest of the country, I tend to watch movies more at home, where I can control the atmosphere. I like to turn off the lights and pretend I'm in my own little theater. Though I do enjoy seeing some current films (The King's Speech is the best movie I've seen in YEARS!), when I'm looking for comfort, I tend to break out the classics. This weekend, TMC was running several of my favorites. Saturday night I curled up with Little Big Man, and today was my all-time favorite romance, Dr. Zhivago.
I'm grateful for movie music, for memorable acting moments, but mostly, I'm grateful for the pure rush of emotion that engulfs me when I'm part of a fabulous movie.

Everything Old is New Again

Well, it's here. The New Year. Do you feel different? I do, sort of. What is it about January 1st that makes us feel different? Maybe it's just that we all EXPECT so much. We've been raised to think of this as a chance for do-overs, to feel obligated to make big changes (for the better) in our lives.

Do you make New Year's resolutions? I do, but as I get older, I cut myself more slack than I did before. I don't set limits or dates to see the results. I believe in goal-setting, I believe in checking in with those goals. But I seem more able to take the unexpected into account, to forgive myself a few missed deadlines.
Of course, I won't miss a deadline that affects someone else. Absolutely not. I'm always more willing to sacrifice what I want to do in order to not disappoint someone else. I know that's not a good thing, really. It's an old habit--the people-pleaser gene. I'm sad that I seem to have passed that on to at least two of my children. I didn't do a good job of instilling a "your needs should matter to you" mindset, so they are people-pleasers, too. 
Hopefully, they can learn from the mistakes they see me make. I'm still learning how to navigate through this life. I like the "wisdom" that comes with age, I like the idea of becoming a better person each day. I guess that's one of the reasons The New Year appeals to me. More chances to grow. 

Thank you

New Year's Eve. Another chance to say thank you. Thank you for my girls. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my job. Thank you for a warm house, more than enough food and clothing, an embarrassment of riches.

Thank you for the crisp air. Thank you for the sounds of nature. Thank you for my problems, thank you for my joys.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Oh, sweet mystery of life

It's the most mysterious time of year. For me, it's a time of waiting, wondering, questioning. In addition to all the holiday frenzy--the planning, the cleaning, the cooking, the buying--the weeks just prior to Christmas and New Year's Eve always trigger a desire to thoroughly analyze my belief system.

As a youngster, I followed my parents' directions and was a good little Catholic girl. Looking back, I can say I found comfort in the rituals, the certainty that things were always going to be the same each year. In (Catholic) high school, though I was instructed by nuns, they belonged to a rather free-thinking (at the time) order, and I was encouraged to explore other belief systems. That's one of the most valuable gifts my private-school education gave me. I went to a religious, but not Catholic, college, and became an "official" Lutheran. It felt freer, yet still familiar and comforting.

During my senior year, I met my first real non-Christian friends, and my eyes were opened to the world outside my little bubble. Wow. It was literally life-changing.

Since then, I've made a conscious effort to read, read, read as many perspectives on beliefs as I can. Prior to the birth of my children, I visited most of the various places of worship that the Madison area offers.

While I had the children baptized as Lutherans, I still question why I did it. If I had to label myself, I guess after all my reading, experiences, etc., I'm agnostic, with a lean toward Wicca. And yet, I'm glad I had the girls baptized. I still haul out the manger scenes. We still use Advent calendars. I still sing, " O Holy Night," and get chills.

And I feel okay about all of this.

Is it confusing? Yes. Is it hypocritical? Probably. But I'm really okay with that. Overall, I truly believe each human needs to believe whatever it is that gets him/her through the days and nights as the best person possible. Live and let live. Be kind. Keep questioning. Keep an open mind. It's all a big mystery. You can't flip to the end to see how it turns out. You can just live it.

It's been a long, been a long time

I realize I'm only using this blog to remind myself to be grateful daily, but I apologize for being absent for the entire month of November!! I thought a lot about blogging, but I didn't actually DO it. Bad girl!

Thanksgiving Day has come and gone, but I continue to be thankful every minute of every day. The sounds of my girls laughing after the big dinner stays in my head, making me so grateful for my beautiful family. The sheer abundance of food we have is both embarrassing and humbling. The warmth of the house, the new windows, the wood stoves--I'm lucky to have them all, and I'm grateful.

It didn't snow for my birthday--which is my selfish birthday wish every year-- but I got to spend a good chunk of the day walking through the beautiful grounds where our upcoming family wedding will take place, watching the excitement on the faces of my daughter and her fiancee', and seeing the bond between two sisters grow as we excitedly talked through some plans.

This week, I listened proudly as my youngest daughter described her new job, and as she marveled at her own responsibility, I marveled with her, and was grateful.

I'm alive, I'm healthy, my girls are independent, smart, creative women. I love my life, I love my family and friends. I'm so lucky, so grateful.