Fingers crossed

2012. I'm so lucky. I had loads of time with my girls, loads of good food, loads of junk food, loads of cat snuggles, loads of good experiences with my students. 
I'm so lucky.
2013. I'm hopeful. I'm anxious. I'm grateful already for whatever comes. 
January holds a rather large mountain to climb, but I'll be positive enough, strong enough, and resilient enough for all of us. We'll climb together. We love each other. That's what will help us get to the other side, where we'll slide down, screaming, crying, and laughing all the way.

I'm so lucky. We've got each other.

photo credit

'Tis the Season

nostalgia       
scents
laughter
warmth
flavors
hugs
blankets
tears
contentment
love

always, love
 

GREAT

Great. I missed a second post in September. Great. I missed an early post in October. Great.
While I'm working hard to retrain myself, to foster and maintain better habits, I still mess things up regularly. I am definitely a work in progress.

In late September, I was assigned the task of listing things I am GREAT at. *Brief interjection: If you are bothered by dangling participles and poor grammar, read no further. This post is rife with both. You have been warned.* Have you ever tried to do this? It's humbling, and kinda depressing. Because it was very easy to list things I am GOOD at. I am self-aware enough and confident enough to say, "Yes, I'm a good cook," or "Yes, I'm a Trivial Pursuit player." 

So I took it to the next level. Things I am BETTER-THAN-AVERAGE at. Hmmm. Okay, I play piano better than the average person. I have better-than-average classroom management skills. I am blushing as I write this next one, but...I think I'm better-than-the-average mom. I can only say that because my girls are grown women who haven't become serial killers or Republicans (yet). 

Now on to the GREAT list. *pause* Ok.*crickets chirping* Yeah. This is tough. On the surface, it seems easy. I'm a great friend. I'm a great daughter. But, no, those statements aren't true. I think (ok, I KNOW) I'm a good friend. A really good friend. But GREAT? No. Because I still won't go see every show that my friends are in. Because I still won't call friends on a regular basis, just to chat.  A great daughter? Nnnnnnoooooooo. I call my dad frequently, but many times it's due to guilt, not due to an overwhelming desire to talk to him. I still complain almost daily about having to put up with his racist rants, but I don't have the guts to confront him about them. I still harbor loads of resentment and anger toward him for events that occurred DECADES ago. Do I love him? Yes, without question. Am I a GREAT daughter? Not a chance.

My list of GREATNESS comes from a negative place. I am a GREAT complainer. I am a GREAT passive/aggressive manipulator. I am a GREAT nag. See what I mean? The reason I was asked to create my list of greatness was to bolster my often-flagging self esteem. Oops. Sort of backfired on me. But, you know what? That's okay. I appreciate the fact that I made these discoveries. Or rather, that this task caused me to FACE these characteristics. Of course I've always known they were there. But looking this closely at my NON-greatness will help me grow, too. So, maybe that's my starting point. I'm GREAT at listing my flaws. And I'm GREAT-ful (see what I did there?) for the task of looking deeper.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhs8Q33QXx9c09FCYQEJoLW3C-VTVv5TuxmHuAcZBxcgJjUSTIq2Y0jG6VsMtV957w8JBBwuzcMVATZGRgJmypyG40BOH5vMlOsaEwkqx-tBVPjT4iyXiRCIjQhU_zJuKAfwPAc6U-4gg/s1600/totally-great.jpg

ABUNDANCE

Where did June go? It was just here a second ago...I'd like to say I enjoyed every moment of the first month of summer vacation, but I don't know where the time went! Technically, I guess I've only been on vacation for 2 weeks, as I spent the first two weeks post-school taking classes with my colleagues. So it feels like my summer has just begun.
I need to once again take time to appreciate the abundance in my life. Abundant freedom--I can wake up and decide what I want to do with my day. Abundant food--I can cook anything I want, because I'm blessed with the resources to do so. Abundant comfort--I have air-conditioning, I have a pool, I have a crazy cat. 
This weekend, however, I'm most thankful for abundant love. I got to spend the time cooking, laughing, talking, walking, shopping, swimming with my three favorite people--my girls. The analogy I've been making in my head to describe this abundance is that spending time with my girls is like filling a water balloon--every single moment adds another drop to the balloon, until it's(I'm) so full, it bursts. But the fun doesn't end with the burst---it just creates MORE fun, more laughter. I hope we get to burst balloons for the rest of the summer and beyond.

http://syllybillywaterballoons.com/index/wp-content/gallery/gallery1/waterballoons-1.jpg

Techtastic

I like to think of myself as a tech master. 
Right now, liquid is shooting out of my daughters' noses. They think the combination of technology and me is hiLARious. And to most people younger than 45, it probably is. But the truth is, for my age, I'm pretty much a tech savant. Yup. 
And that's what I'm grateful for this week. It's hard for me to imagine my daily life without my computer. And my Nook. My phone, not so much, though I will concede that it's kind of a fun toy when I have absolutely nothing to do. But I was late to the cell phone game, and I still don't like the idea that people (other than my girls) can reach me anywhere, anytime. 
I use my computer in my classroom every day, all year long. It's a tool, a means to an end, the end being that this stuff ain't goin' away, so these kiddos need to use it and make friends with it. Of course, the technology they use today will be long outdated by the time they're adults (heck, by the time they're teenagers!), but it's not about the TOOL. It's about learning how to LEARN, experimenting, jumping in without fear. And I believe that seeing me--the fat old lady in front of the room--using tech tools without fear is a terrific example for them.

I think of my dad. He struggles to catch up, let alone keep afloat in the ever-changing world of technology. He cannot find employment because he cannot use a computer. Simply cannot. For years, his secretary did everything for him. Now, after a few years without her, he finds he can't even fill out a job application, because they're all online. He has 50 years of work experience, but he's useless in the eyes of would-be employers, because he can't use a computer. (Yes, I know; thank you to all of you who suggest that he take free classes for Seniors, etc.---let's just say, it hasn't worked out, and leave it at that ;)  ).
So, I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had, and I'm proud of myself for pushing out of my comfort zone and into the world of technology. I embrace it. I enjoy playing with it. It's satisfying to solve a tech issue for others. 

And it's so easy to use my phone to 
text my daughters for tech help.

"Had a cat, and the cat pleased me..."

Do you know that song? "...I fed that cat by yonder tree. Cat goes fiddle-eye-fee." Today I just want to sing the praises of my kitty. He's huge, floppy, furry, dopey, crazy, noisy, silly, and he loves me. 

This week, by whatever sixth sense kitties possess, he has been doing two things my children used to do when they were young. About an hour before I have to wake up (cats tell time, did you know that?), he either climbs into "my nest"--the area created when I lie on my side with my knees bent--OR, he walks along the side of my body, stretches himself out to his full length, and then sleeps that way until it's time for us to get out of bed.

When I would reach the point of exhaustion as a young mother, I would stretch out on the couch next to where my girls were playing, and one of them would invariably climb into my nest, or stretch along my body. This comforted me in a deep-down-in-my-soul way. The fact that George has begun doing this during this particularly trying week has been a real gift. 

So thank you, Georgie-Porgie. "The cat pleased me."

Thank you

New Year's Eve. Another chance to say thank you. Thank you for my girls. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my job. Thank you for a warm house, more than enough food and clothing, an embarrassment of riches.

Thank you for the crisp air. Thank you for the sounds of nature. Thank you for my problems, thank you for my joys.

Happy New Year, everyone.