I Know What I Did Last Summer

This breeze is so refreshing. It's the first fall-like day. That always gives me a boost. I'm a fall fan. I'm a cool-to-cold weather fan. I'm a windows open, put on a sweatshirt fan. Today's a good day.

The end of this summer was not filled with good days. I went through what I call a breakdown, but what my new therapist prefers to call a road bump. Tomato, tomahto--it was not fun. Now, I had no disasters, no terrible disease, no deaths of loved ones. Nothing that others would consider "a good reason" for my sudden inability to deal with daily life. Part of the learning curve of this experience is realizing that it's okay to feel as if my world is ending and to stop worrying that others think I'm just weak. My feelings have validity, and that makes them important.

Whew, that's a tough thing for me to say. I'm grateful that today I can say it. My feelings are valid, and they are important. It doesn't matter if they aren't important to others--they're important to me, at this moment in my life. I can work with that. I can look forward from that. Today is a good day.

 

Nerd Alert

	Nerd (from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nerd)
	A person who gains pleasure from amassing large quantities of knowledge about subjects often too detailed or complicated for most other people to be bothered with. Often mistaken for Geeks, who aspire to become nerds, yet lack the intelligence, and end up giving nerds a bad name due to their poor social skills.

How weird is it that one of my favorite things to do over a summer break is read books and articles about my profession? Total nerd. 
I spend most of my summer time reading--this summer I've already finished 12 books, mostly memoir, mostly light. During the school year, I don't have/take the time to read much, except before bed, so blasting through so many books by midsummer is gratifying. 

But now that it's mid-July, some of my interest has turned to professional journals, research, and philosophy. And it happens every summer at this time. What's up with that??? I've been doing this "job" for over 30 years; I kind of know what I'm doing. But still, I am fascinated by new approaches, new ideas, new methodology. 
It's not a job to me, it's not my livelihood; it's my life.

Based on the Urban Dictionary definition at the top of this post, I am a nerd. And I'm grateful for it. I think it makes me a better teacher, a better musician, a better person.


Source

ABUNDANCE

Where did June go? It was just here a second ago...I'd like to say I enjoyed every moment of the first month of summer vacation, but I don't know where the time went! Technically, I guess I've only been on vacation for 2 weeks, as I spent the first two weeks post-school taking classes with my colleagues. So it feels like my summer has just begun.
I need to once again take time to appreciate the abundance in my life. Abundant freedom--I can wake up and decide what I want to do with my day. Abundant food--I can cook anything I want, because I'm blessed with the resources to do so. Abundant comfort--I have air-conditioning, I have a pool, I have a crazy cat. 
This weekend, however, I'm most thankful for abundant love. I got to spend the time cooking, laughing, talking, walking, shopping, swimming with my three favorite people--my girls. The analogy I've been making in my head to describe this abundance is that spending time with my girls is like filling a water balloon--every single moment adds another drop to the balloon, until it's(I'm) so full, it bursts. But the fun doesn't end with the burst---it just creates MORE fun, more laughter. I hope we get to burst balloons for the rest of the summer and beyond.

http://syllybillywaterballoons.com/index/wp-content/gallery/gallery1/waterballoons-1.jpg

To vaca(te) or not to vaca(te)

I'm toying with the idea of running away for the last four days of my official summer. I have a place picked out, and I know it will be fun and relaxing, but I'm on the fence as to whether to spend the money and do it, or just keep getting summer errands done.

Anyone who might be reading this, weigh in, okay?

Another day

I'm grateful for another day to live life. I guess I am of the age where this sort of "live-in-the-moment" stuff is popular; I know that I never thought I'd be one of THOSE people, but, hey, I really am grateful for so much.

It's a beautiful day, the temperature is bearable (not many of those days this summer, for sure). I have the good fortune to be able to spend the day lounging in the pool, doing some "fluff" reading, so I'm going to take advantage of it.

I know I'm lucky.

Let's talk about sleep.

As a person who has always struggled with sleep, I am really grateful for both the quality and quantity I've been able to get this summer. I think part of my success is that I've finally managed to stick to a "sleep schedule." For the most part, I have learned (the hard way) to be very consistent about bed times, even in the summer. Now, the next 3 weeks will test that, as I need to resume a late-night-theater schedule. But I have to say, overall, this summer has been great for getting quality sleep.

That doesn't mean I don't feel tired--far from it! Actually, the more I have to do, the more I want to sleep. But I'm guessing that's primarily a psychological thing--I'm a lifelong procrastinator.

Anyway, here's to sleep!

Here it comes again

Is it the summer night air? Is it the position of the moon? Is it a chemical imbalance? Whatever it is, this melancholy comes on suddenly. I'm filled with a longing, but can't define what it is I'm longing for. I'm drawn to sentimental movies and music--quirky romances. That's not my usual MO. I avoid sentimentalism. But when this mood hits, I obsessively watch the same films and wallow in the sentiment.

Sometimes, if I concentrate on it, I move from mere melancholy into deep sadness. But that's not the norm.

Anyway, it's here right now and I'll do my best to avoid sinking deeper. I've developed a growing fondness for wine, so I think I'll have a glass. I know, I know--alcohol doesn't help. But I'm only going to have a glass, and I know that's my limit. I'm watching a movie, enjoying the brief cool-down, and thinking and feeling a lot. It will pass.

What does summer sound like?

There are certain songs that can take me back to a specific time and place. There are some songs that just scream, "Summer!" Of course, there's the obvious songs ABOUT summer, like, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ahhmiuyko0, or, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsHuV3Aj1os.


But there are also songs that don't mention summer at all--they just FEEL like summer. Here's one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwOU3bnuU0k.

Another one for me is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5ouOa9k0gE


So what does summer sound like to you? What songs say, "summer?"

Better now

Okay, I'm over my whining. Reasons to be grateful today:

--the sun is out, but it's not BLASTING hot.

--the sky is perfectly clear--good day to read in the sun.

--pool is waiting when I'm done doing chores.

--all 3 of my terrific girls have spoken to me, willingly, in the past 24 hours.

--good movies on tv later.

--as usual, I have more than enough of everything in my life. Grateful, grateful, grateful.