'Tis the Season

nostalgia       
scents
laughter
warmth
flavors
hugs
blankets
tears
contentment
love

always, love
 

GREAT

Great. I missed a second post in September. Great. I missed an early post in October. Great.
While I'm working hard to retrain myself, to foster and maintain better habits, I still mess things up regularly. I am definitely a work in progress.

In late September, I was assigned the task of listing things I am GREAT at. *Brief interjection: If you are bothered by dangling participles and poor grammar, read no further. This post is rife with both. You have been warned.* Have you ever tried to do this? It's humbling, and kinda depressing. Because it was very easy to list things I am GOOD at. I am self-aware enough and confident enough to say, "Yes, I'm a good cook," or "Yes, I'm a Trivial Pursuit player." 

So I took it to the next level. Things I am BETTER-THAN-AVERAGE at. Hmmm. Okay, I play piano better than the average person. I have better-than-average classroom management skills. I am blushing as I write this next one, but...I think I'm better-than-the-average mom. I can only say that because my girls are grown women who haven't become serial killers or Republicans (yet). 

Now on to the GREAT list. *pause* Ok.*crickets chirping* Yeah. This is tough. On the surface, it seems easy. I'm a great friend. I'm a great daughter. But, no, those statements aren't true. I think (ok, I KNOW) I'm a good friend. A really good friend. But GREAT? No. Because I still won't go see every show that my friends are in. Because I still won't call friends on a regular basis, just to chat.  A great daughter? Nnnnnnoooooooo. I call my dad frequently, but many times it's due to guilt, not due to an overwhelming desire to talk to him. I still complain almost daily about having to put up with his racist rants, but I don't have the guts to confront him about them. I still harbor loads of resentment and anger toward him for events that occurred DECADES ago. Do I love him? Yes, without question. Am I a GREAT daughter? Not a chance.

My list of GREATNESS comes from a negative place. I am a GREAT complainer. I am a GREAT passive/aggressive manipulator. I am a GREAT nag. See what I mean? The reason I was asked to create my list of greatness was to bolster my often-flagging self esteem. Oops. Sort of backfired on me. But, you know what? That's okay. I appreciate the fact that I made these discoveries. Or rather, that this task caused me to FACE these characteristics. Of course I've always known they were there. But looking this closely at my NON-greatness will help me grow, too. So, maybe that's my starting point. I'm GREAT at listing my flaws. And I'm GREAT-ful (see what I did there?) for the task of looking deeper.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhs8Q33QXx9c09FCYQEJoLW3C-VTVv5TuxmHuAcZBxcgJjUSTIq2Y0jG6VsMtV957w8JBBwuzcMVATZGRgJmypyG40BOH5vMlOsaEwkqx-tBVPjT4iyXiRCIjQhU_zJuKAfwPAc6U-4gg/s1600/totally-great.jpg

I Know What I Did Last Summer

This breeze is so refreshing. It's the first fall-like day. That always gives me a boost. I'm a fall fan. I'm a cool-to-cold weather fan. I'm a windows open, put on a sweatshirt fan. Today's a good day.

The end of this summer was not filled with good days. I went through what I call a breakdown, but what my new therapist prefers to call a road bump. Tomato, tomahto--it was not fun. Now, I had no disasters, no terrible disease, no deaths of loved ones. Nothing that others would consider "a good reason" for my sudden inability to deal with daily life. Part of the learning curve of this experience is realizing that it's okay to feel as if my world is ending and to stop worrying that others think I'm just weak. My feelings have validity, and that makes them important.

Whew, that's a tough thing for me to say. I'm grateful that today I can say it. My feelings are valid, and they are important. It doesn't matter if they aren't important to others--they're important to me, at this moment in my life. I can work with that. I can look forward from that. Today is a good day.

 

Totally Geeky Music Educator Post

This might not interest you, but I need to share this publicly or I won't hold myself to it. 

I'm always so excited by/inspired by what I see and hear at our October Music Convention, but it frustrates me a little that it occurs after the school year has begun, when I am short on time and energy.  Today, I found inspiration in an article in this month's Teaching Music magazine (membership required), and I made a vow to start the year with a (probably) exhausting but definitely exciting plan. The article was the extra push I needed to go where I've wanted to go, but been too afraid of failing (and, honestly, too darn tired) to fully commit.

I've always done some sort of interest groupings with my kiddos--we all know that it's a tenet of best practice and I've seen terrific growth in the students' learning with these groups. This year, however, I'm going to break it down even further and move closer to the individualized learning plan(ILP). Now this is nothing new; districts have been talking about this for years. But, except for occasional special projects for students who specifically asked for more, I have leaned on small group work to save myself the extra planning, extra setup, extra, extra, extra everything this will most likely entail. To put it bluntly, I've been selfish, and it's just not giving my students the best I have to offer.

SO...I have resigned from almost all committees for the year, decided NOT to look at theatre auditions for this season (with one already-auditioned-for exception ;)  ), and am going to start our first days of school by basically talk, talk, talking with my kiddos. The subject of the article was about creating a culturally diverse classroom. Here are parts of  the article that got me started this morning: "If we're trying to provide equitable education, then we have to respond to the goal of music for all, and to redefine the paradigm...For starters, avoid limiting music literature studied...There's music production, music creation, African drumming ensembles, klezmer music ensembles...And we can try to make students better consumers of music." (Adria Hoffman)*. 

There are so many musical opportunities to explore, and I'm lucky to have another chance to join my student adventurers in their quests.

*"Around the World in Six Class Periods," K. Powers, Teaching Music, Aug., 2012
Image from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikl8DQBPEpuqkA-1C8LLPBh8Uhc3fG6sfAfCd4NhyphenhyphenHJfPEp6VNkWG-acRjkAPX0r8sSnOMPDyURG-2w0Iuf74pcEdRfuCWwSsOoK1HPLhCMMG1Ptx1qNRMcKOflC91Yn50MDyjPAxIvGA/s740/instrument+kids+clipart.bmp

Nerd Alert

	Nerd (from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nerd)
	A person who gains pleasure from amassing large quantities of knowledge about subjects often too detailed or complicated for most other people to be bothered with. Often mistaken for Geeks, who aspire to become nerds, yet lack the intelligence, and end up giving nerds a bad name due to their poor social skills.

How weird is it that one of my favorite things to do over a summer break is read books and articles about my profession? Total nerd. 
I spend most of my summer time reading--this summer I've already finished 12 books, mostly memoir, mostly light. During the school year, I don't have/take the time to read much, except before bed, so blasting through so many books by midsummer is gratifying. 

But now that it's mid-July, some of my interest has turned to professional journals, research, and philosophy. And it happens every summer at this time. What's up with that??? I've been doing this "job" for over 30 years; I kind of know what I'm doing. But still, I am fascinated by new approaches, new ideas, new methodology. 
It's not a job to me, it's not my livelihood; it's my life.

Based on the Urban Dictionary definition at the top of this post, I am a nerd. And I'm grateful for it. I think it makes me a better teacher, a better musician, a better person.


Source

ABUNDANCE

Where did June go? It was just here a second ago...I'd like to say I enjoyed every moment of the first month of summer vacation, but I don't know where the time went! Technically, I guess I've only been on vacation for 2 weeks, as I spent the first two weeks post-school taking classes with my colleagues. So it feels like my summer has just begun.
I need to once again take time to appreciate the abundance in my life. Abundant freedom--I can wake up and decide what I want to do with my day. Abundant food--I can cook anything I want, because I'm blessed with the resources to do so. Abundant comfort--I have air-conditioning, I have a pool, I have a crazy cat. 
This weekend, however, I'm most thankful for abundant love. I got to spend the time cooking, laughing, talking, walking, shopping, swimming with my three favorite people--my girls. The analogy I've been making in my head to describe this abundance is that spending time with my girls is like filling a water balloon--every single moment adds another drop to the balloon, until it's(I'm) so full, it bursts. But the fun doesn't end with the burst---it just creates MORE fun, more laughter. I hope we get to burst balloons for the rest of the summer and beyond.

http://syllybillywaterballoons.com/index/wp-content/gallery/gallery1/waterballoons-1.jpg

Pie, Pie, Me-Oh-My!

Humble pie, that is.  I've been whining all week, and now I'm  putting an end to it.

• I feel crumby, because I've had a migraine all week. But I don't have cancer, I'm not dying--I'm lucky.

• Work didn't go the way I wanted this week. But my kiddos are learning, I know I'm good at what I do, and I love my job--I'm lucky.

• The weather is WAY hotter and stickier than I like. But I have a pool, I have a home, and I'm alive--I'm lucky.

• My pool is a dirty, mucky mess. But I'm strong enough to buckle down and clean it, and when it's clean, it's heavenly--I'm lucky.

• My house is a dirty, mucky mess. But it's a home, and my girls will be here soon, and I'll get around to cleaning eventually--I'm lucky.

Serve me up another slice of pie. This time, make it cherry.