Friday, December 31, 2010

Thank you



New Year's Eve. Another chance to say thank you. Thank you for my girls. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my job. Thank you for a warm house, more than enough food and clothing, an embarrassment of riches.
Thank you for the crisp air. Thank you for the sounds of nature. Thank you for my problems, thank you for my joys.
Happy New Year, everyone.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Oh, sweet mystery of life


It's the most mysterious time of year. For me, it's a time of waiting, wondering, questioning. In addition to all the holiday frenzy--the planning, the cleaning, the cooking, the buying--the weeks just prior to Christmas and New Year's Eve always trigger a desire to thoroughly analyze my belief system.
As a youngster, I followed my parents' directions and was a good little Catholic girl. Looking back, I can say I found comfort in the rituals, the certainty that things were always going to be the same each year. In (Catholic) high school, though I was instructed by nuns, they belonged to a rather free-thinking (at the time) order, and I was encouraged to explore other belief systems. That's one of the most valuable gifts my private-school education gave me. I went to a religious, but not Catholic, college, and became an "official" Lutheran. It felt freer, yet still familiar and comforting.
During my senior year, I met my first real non-Christian friends, and my eyes were opened to the world outside my little bubble. Wow. It was literally life-changing.
Since then, I've made a conscious effort to read, read, read as many perspectives on beliefs as I can. Prior to the birth of my children, I visited most of the various places of worship that the Madison area offers.
While I had the children baptized as Lutherans, I still question why I did it. If I had to label myself, I guess after all my reading, experiences, etc., I'm agnostic, with a lean toward Wicca. And yet, I'm glad I had the girls baptized. I still haul out the manger scenes. We still use Advent calendars. I still sing, " O Holy Night," and get chills.
And I feel okay about all of this.
Is it confusing? Yes. Is it hypocritical? Probably. But I'm really okay with that. Overall, I truly believe each human needs to believe whatever it is that gets him/her through the days and nights as the best person possible. Live and let live. Be kind. Keep questioning. Keep an open mind. It's all a big mystery. You can't flip to the end to see how it turns out. You can just live it.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

It's been a long, been a long time


I realize I'm only using this blog to remind myself to be grateful daily, but I apologize for being absent for the entire month of November!! I thought a lot about blogging, but I didn't actually DO it. Bad girl!
Thanksgiving Day has come and gone, but I continue to be thankful every minute of every day. The sounds of my girls laughing after the big dinner stays in my head, making me so grateful for my beautiful family. The sheer abundance of food we have is both embarrassing and humbling. The warmth of the house, the new windows, the wood stoves--I'm lucky to have them all, and I'm grateful.
It didn't snow for my birthday--which is my selfish birthday wish every year-- but I got to spend a good chunk of the day walking through the beautiful grounds where our upcoming family wedding will take place, watching the excitement on the faces of my daughter and her fiancee', and seeing the bond between two sisters grow as we excitedly talked through some plans.
This week, I listened proudly as my youngest daughter described her new job, and as she marveled at her own responsibility, I marveled with her, and was grateful.
I'm alive, I'm healthy, my girls are independent, smart, creative women. I love my life, I love my family and friends. I'm so lucky, so grateful.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Darkest Just Before Dawn



Do you ever sit outside before the sun comes up? You know, between, say, 4 am and 6:30 am? Well, where I live, this is prime time. Especially at this time of year--autumn. The world is peaceful. Not quiet, not still, certainly. But alive and at peace. This morning, the sky was clear, allowing me to see layers and layers of stars, accompanied by the quarter moon. Slowly, as an hour passed, the moon stayed bright, but the stars faded from view. The sky went from a solid shade of DARK to varying layers of gray, steel blue, and, eventually pink.
The sounds of the world waking up got livelier, the feel of peace started to fade. But each phase of this process brings its own beauty.
And I'm grateful I'm here to enjoy it.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Shout out to the techno-geeks

If you know me, you know I THINK I'm good at technology, but I'm really not. I love to play with it, but between my poor memory and my fumble fingers, I make a lot of mistakes. It takes me a REALLY long time to get things right.
But I almost always enjoy the trials and errors. I feel like I'm firing up portions of my brain that I never knew I had, or that had been dormant for…ages. So I vow to keep at it. I'm even taking another class in it. Believe it or not, I'm ahead of the game in the class----stop laughing.
Anyway, I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn, for the wired world we live in, and for the fact that I have patient, VERY patient, daughters who will help me release my inner geek.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Can't resist

The purpose of this blog is to remind myself to be grateful (don't mean to go all Oprah on ya). It's so darn easy when I get to wake up to this:










And this:

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Prescription: Music


It's dangerous to have too much time alone, at least it is for me. When I'm completely alone, I think, and then I over-think. This was the case last week. Several of my classes were away on extended field trips, and that left me with long blocks of thinking time. At first, it was bliss. I organized (weird, I know, but I get off on organizing!), I cleaned (I don't do it often, but when I do, it's soothing), I caught up on email.
But then…SSCCRREEEEECCHHH…my brain kicked in. I had time to dwell on my faults. I had time to ponder my regrets. I slowly began to sink into an abyss that I visit all too often. Remarkably, though, I had the strength to pull off a Cher moment. I logged in to Pandora, brought up my "Jill Sobule/Alanis Morissette Fuck You" station," and I kicked that abyss to the curb!
How could I forget the power music holds over me? In recent years, I have become a talk radio aficionado, particularly NPR. I learn from it, I enjoy it, but it does not reach into my soul. Music does. It's in me. It is me. It's the cure for what ails me. I'm grateful for that mystical connection, and I'll remind myself to reconnect with my soulmate more often.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Let loose!

Okay, this might be the most embarrassing of posts, but I'm gonna go for it. Today, I am grateful for that moment when I come home from work and remove...you guessed it, my bra!! It's not as though I notice the constraint all day long--I'm pretty unaware of it, actually.
But in the final seconds of climbing the stairs after a hard day at school, I suddenly can feel every single pinch, pull, snap, clip, and all I want to do is GET IT OFF!! Aaahhhhhh, sweet relief.
So, here's to that moment of freedom!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Struggling to find it


Today, I have to admit I'm struggling to be grateful for anything. It's only because the harvest moon has been beautiful, but deadly, the past three nights. Full moons disturb my sleep cycle (call me crazy, but I KNOW it's true!), and this one has been a doozy.
Three nights of frantic dreams, multiple awakenings, cardiac arrhythmia--the whole shebang.
So today I'm going to make a conscious effort to be grateful for EVERY LITTLE THING. Since I'm crabby from lack of sleep, it will take work to find anything good. But I pledge to do the work!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Hooray for fall!


Grateful, grateful, grateful for fall weather in the Midwest! Granted, this week we're having a hot, humid return of summer, but it won't last. Soon the trees will be in glorious color and the days will be crisp and clear.
FALL ROCKS! I'm one lucky chick to live where we have such a beautiful season.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Remember


Today, we pause to remember the day our worlds stood still. While much has changed since 2001, some things will never change. Humans can be unfailingly kind and unflinchingly cruel to one another. I am so lucky my life is filled with kindness.
Since I last posted about our family's recent devastating news, I've been overwhelmed with kind words, hugs, gifts of support.
Today, as I send my thoughts to the city I love, I'm filled with gratitude for the loved ones in my life.
Thank you.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Just when you think things are going smoothly, life throws an obstacle in your path. How do you respond? I can tell you that my first response is to curl up in a ball and isolate myself. Is that healthy? I don't know, but it feels necessary.
I received some bad news about someone I love this weekend. I was planning a party at the time. What did I do? I canceled the party and went into a "cave." Maybe that was wrong. I mean, I have wonderful, supportive friends, and I know that spending time with them would have certainly lifted me up.
But I couldn't get past the feeling that I would let them down. I don't think I could have spent time with them without telling them what I was going through, and that would put a damper on the whole day. So I canceled. I'm once again reminded of how lucky I am, though, as all of these friends sent warm, supportive messages of care, and the two of my girls who live nearby came over with food and hugs and laughs. They know me so well. They are the people I would spend every minute of my life with, if life allowed, and they know that. Their presence is my best medicine.
So today I feel better. Not good, but better. Able to probably function a bit. I have to screw up my courage and call the ill loved one, and I know it's going to be a painful conversation. But I'm buoyed by the love of those around me. For this I am so grateful.

Saturday, September 4, 2010


I'm a General Music teacher, which means I have the privilege of sharing my love of music with hundreds of preteens every year. This past week marked the start of my 34th year of teaching, and I'm grateful for every minute of these years.
I am lucky to teach a subject which provides so much joy to people all over the planet, and I discover new sounds every single day. I want my kids to leave my class enjoying music, being open to all sounds, feeling like accomplished listeners, performers, and composers.
Here's to another year of musical fun!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Random thoughts


It's been awhile since I posted, but that doesn't mean I haven't had thoughts of gratefulness daily! Actually, each day that passes, I spend time going over why I'm so lucky--I just get lazy when it comes to posting about these thoughts.
So, here are a few thoughts from recent days:

I'm so lucky to have such a strong body. Out of shape, maybe not attractive to look at, but there's SO much I can do to keep myself independent. I'm grateful for my strength.

I'm so lucky to have a pool in my backyard. I live in a climate which only allows me to use the pool 3 short months out of the year, and for much of this summer, I whined about having to constantly fish leaves and muck out of the pool. But when I'm floating peacefully, listening to the birds and squirrels scamper, I know how lucky I am.

I'm lucky that my family is healthy. The girls are, for the most part, happy; my dad is still going--maybe not strong, but--forward; my brothers are wonderful, soft-hearted guys with terrific families. I'm very lucky.

I'm grateful for the talents I've been given, and for parents who encouraged and nurtured those talents. I really can do a lot of things others can't do, and I think I would shrivel up and die without being able to be expressive in my music, my cooking, my writing. So, thanks, mom and dad.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

To vaca(te) or not to vaca(te)

I'm toying with the idea of running away for the last four days of my official summer. I have a place picked out, and I know it will be fun and relaxing, but I'm on the fence as to whether to spend the money and do it, or just keep getting summer errands done.
Anyone who might be reading this, weigh in, okay?

Believe it or not,


...I'm grateful for my body! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I believe I would ever say that. But I am. It's large, out of shape, not very attractive, but it's strong, pretty healthy, and it's still going. Thought I wouldn't live this long--not a good history on the female side of my family. But I'm here, I'm getting healthier and stronger every day, and it's time I admitted that I'm glad for who I am, HOW I am.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

furriness

I'm grateful for furriness. It's ironic, considering I'm allergic to cats. But I always smile when my cats crawl up onto me, as if they just can't get close enough. I have one very small, VERY old cat, and one young, VERY large cat. If one is on my lap, the other absolutely MUST spread himself across my neck. There seems to be a great deal of jealousy between them. I find myself frequently smothered by the love of these two goofballs. I laugh every time. I'm grateful for that. Even though it makes me sneeze.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Feeling sorry for myself again

Last night was the Perseides Meteor Shower. Viewing this gorgeous sky show has been a yearly tradition for us--sit out on the deck from midnight to 3 a.m., talking, laughing, ooohing and ahhing. But this year there was no one to sit with. My girls are grown up and out on their own. I know I should be proud, and I truly am, but I'm also really lonely without them. They are the people I enjoy most on earth, and I feel their absence so acutely during traditions like this.
I just couldn't sit out there by myself, but now I regret missing my chance.
I know I'll get over this feeling of loss, but I think I'm going to allow myself to wallow a little while longer.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Feelin' it again


Though I haven't posted in awhile, I've had daily "grateful" moments and I'm doing pretty well with keeping my gratefulness in the front of my mind.
The weather today has become wonderfully cool and dry; I know it won't last, but I'm grateful for today.
Had a great time at Wrigley Field on Wednesday--first time in 35 years! Good friends, great atmosphere, and the Cubs beat the Brewers! :)
Been toying with the idea of escaping for my final two weeks of summer, but maybe saving money would be more prudent. So I'm going to try to work hard on the summer to-do list and be grateful for each accomplishment, big and small.
Been eating well, gearing up for the "Eat Local" challenge that begins next week. I'm lucky to live in an area with amazing produce and farmers' markets--I think the challenge won't be too difficult.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Another day

I'm grateful for another day to live life. I guess I am of the age where this sort of "live-in-the-moment" stuff is popular; I know that I never thought I'd be one of THOSE people, but, hey, I really am grateful for so much.
It's a beautiful day, the temperature is bearable (not many of those days this summer, for sure). I have the good fortune to be able to spend the day lounging in the pool, doing some "fluff" reading, so I'm going to take advantage of it.
I know I'm lucky.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Summer's Bounty


It seems that most days, the things I'm often most grateful for are the plentiful, fresh ingredients I have at my disposal to eat and cook.
I love food; I love to talk about, read about, create with, and enjoy food. So this weekend, with all the rainy weather, I thought it would be a great time to use up the many beautiful vegetables and herbs that arrive each week in my CSA box. I'm spending today cooking some terrific dishes. I'm not very good at photography, but here are pictures of this delicious bounty.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Let's talk about sleep.

As a person who has always struggled with sleep, I am really grateful for both the quality and quantity I've been able to get this summer. I think part of my success is that I've finally managed to stick to a "sleep schedule." For the most part, I have learned (the hard way) to be very consistent about bed times, even in the summer. Now, the next 3 weeks will test that, as I need to resume a late-night-theater schedule. But I have to say, overall, this summer has been great for getting quality sleep.
That doesn't mean I don't feel tired--far from it! Actually, the more I have to do, the more I want to sleep. But I'm guessing that's primarily a psychological thing--I'm a lifelong procrastinator.
Anyway, here's to sleep!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

A bevy of birds

Wow, were the birds going crazy at your house last night? Granted, we had thunderstorm warnings, but there were battalions of birds doing aerial battle last night! They started out with just loud chirping, but soon, large flocks were zooming from one place to another in our back woods and yard. It seemed like a bird version of "West Side Story" was playing out in the trees! What's up with that???? Was it like that where you are?

Delicious


Yes, I'm again appreciative of my bounty. Woke up craving blueberry cornmeal pancakes. I had them for the first time two weeks ago at a beautiful little place on the Upper West Side:
So I whipped up a batch for myself--instant gratification. I'm lucky enough to have had all the ingredients on hand, and the time to do this.
Yes, I know I'm lucky. And I'm grateful.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Talk about lucky!


Again, I'm reminded of how lucky I am. Got to spend the day with daughter #3 looking at new apartments. Such a grown up. So mature. So amazing. Working hard at what she loves. I want to hold on, but I'm happy to see her doing so well.
Tomorrow I get to look at a space for daughter #1's wedding. How cool is that? It looks beautiful on the website, and I think it's going to be perfect. Again, a lucky day.
Dinner tonight made from ALL fresh, local ingredients--some from the Farmers' Market, some from my CSA box, some from a local bakery. Delicious, easy, filling--I am so lucky to have such abundance.
The air is cooler, the sun is setting--I know how lucky I am.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Here it comes again

Is it the summer night air? Is it the position of the moon? Is it a chemical imbalance? Whatever it is, this melancholy comes on suddenly. I'm filled with a longing, but can't define what it is I'm longing for. I'm drawn to sentimental movies and music--quirky romances. That's not my usual MO. I avoid sentimentalism. But when this mood hits, I obsessively watch the same films and wallow in the sentiment.
Sometimes, if I concentrate on it, I move from mere melancholy into deep sadness. But that's not the norm.
Anyway, it's here right now and I'll do my best to avoid sinking deeper. I've developed a growing fondness for wine, so I think I'll have a glass. I know, I know--alcohol doesn't help. But I'm only going to have a glass, and I know that's my limit. I'm watching a movie, enjoying the brief cool-down, and thinking and feeling a lot. It will pass.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

What does summer sound like?

There are certain songs that can take me back to a specific time and place. There are some songs that just scream, "Summer!" Of course, there's the obvious songs ABOUT summer, like, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ahhmiuyko0, or, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsHuV3Aj1os.


But there are also songs that don't mention summer at all--they just FEEL like summer. Here's one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwOU3bnuU0k.

Another one for me is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5ouOa9k0gE


So what does summer sound like to you? What songs say, "summer?"

Friday, July 9, 2010

Better now

Okay, I'm over my whining. Reasons to be grateful today:
--the sun is out, but it's not BLASTING hot.
--the sky is perfectly clear--good day to read in the sun.
--pool is waiting when I'm done doing chores.
--all 3 of my terrific girls have spoken to me, willingly, in the past 24 hours.
--good movies on tv later.
--as usual, I have more than enough of everything in my life. Grateful, grateful, grateful.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

If I'm so lucky...

...why am I complaining? I started this blog to make myself more aware of all the good things I have going in my life, to help me become more appreciative. And yet I find myself wanting to whine a bit. So I'm just going to go ahead and get this out.
Upon returning from a lengthy, completely self-indulgent vacation, I found two weeks' worth of dishes still sitting on the counters, dried puddles of cat urine caked on the floor, unrinsed recycling items scattered about. Come on, really? It's not as if life was so busy here while I was away. The other member of the household admitted to spending most of the time golfing and gambling. So, I'm miffed. I can tell I'm going to stew about this for awhile. Better for me to write it out instead of verbalizing my disappointment. Sheesh.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

First

I'm posting in orange today to express the HEAT coming off of the pavement outside the window of Starbucks. It's 102 degrees in NYC, and there is nowhere to escape the steam. I've got 2 hours until my airport transport arrives, and I thought I'd write about how fortunate I am.
For the past 8 days, I've been enjoying a solo trip to NYC, just wandering, seeing art, soaking in atmosphere, eating great food, and observing humanity. I am so lucky to be able to afford a trip like this. I am so lucky to see the things I've seen. I am so lucky to be comfortable, financially and emotionally. This city can be overwhelming. People everywhere. There's no way to know what they're thinking, doing, living. It makes me long for home, yet it makes me so grateful for the chance to be here and see what a big, wide world we share.
Eavesdropping is easy in New York--on the subway, on the bus, in the coffee shop, on the street. You hear snippets of conversation and you're reminded that others have their own lives, their own concerns, their own desires. I NEED the reminder that the world does not, in fact, revolve around ME. For this reminder, I am grateful.
The first night I arrived, the air was clear, much cooler, and the city smelled like life. When the sun goes down, the city seems to vibrate. I love that sense that SOMETHING is happening. Once the heat hit, the feeling changed drastically. Everyone seems beaten down; instead of just going, you think about whether or not it's worth venturing out into the heat. NY does a great job of providing air-conditioned buses and trains, but getting to them is painful and draining. I've never visited in the fall, but I think I'll try it sometime.
I realize this post is unfocused; that's because I'm trying to get down all the thoughts I've had for the past 8 days. I'll post again when my head is clear. Mainly, I just want to state and restate: I am grateful. I am one lucky chick.